The main thing that comes with growing up is making and losing friends. Sometimes friendships end on a positive note like people outgrowing each other or they end on bad terms like one person doing something behind the other person’s back. Either way friendship endings are painful and they suck. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life and that is one hard thing to wrap your head around and understand.
Most of the friendships endings I’ve had have simply been us outgrowing each other. We talk one school year because we have similar classes and then don’t talk the next school year because of our opposite classes.
One of the most painful friendship break-ups that I experienced was freshman year. This friend and I got very close in a span of 2 years. We were truly inseparable and we were completely comfortable with each other. But sometimes it felt like she only wanted to talk to me because she needed someone to be there for her. Now don’t get me wrong, I love being there for my friends and helping them the most I can. But when you’re not there for me when I need someone the most, why should I be there for you?
It all came down one day because of a huge argument. She got mad because of an issue she was having with her boyfriend and wanted me to listen to her. This was a continuous issue throughout their relationship; I was sick and tired at that point. I didn’t want to listen anymore so I told her. From that, the argument started and well the friendship ended.
It took a while to accept this. It was tough, the whole process of accepting that the friendship came to an end, but there was nothing I could do about it. I accepted the fact that the friendship was no longer benefiting me and if anything, it was bringing me down. Each friend I’ve had has taught me something valuable and things I will keep with me forever
Everyone’s reasons for friendship breakups are different. Among my friends, the most common reason I’ve seen for their friendship breakups has been because of the other person. Senior Maritza Ramirez shares her experience of a friendship breakup. “She was toxic, she would talk bad about her friends,” she said. With this breakup came a huge relief and stress lifted off his shoulders, as many would experience when getting rid of a toxic friendship.
Not all friendship breakups are bad and they just happen. I had a friend I was very close with sophomore and entering junior year. But as junior year progressed, we just stopped talking. I honestly don’t even remember how our drifting even happened. But because we ended on good terms, when I see him in the halls I’ll wave and say, “hi.”
As you grow, you simply start outgrowing your friends and that is totally fine. Sometimes you’ll find that it’s helped you grow as an individual.
If you find yourself questioning if a certain friend should remain in your life, it’s probably a good indicator they shouldn’t. One thing to keep in mind is to never feel guilty for putting yourself above others. If you feel unsure on how to recognize the signs of when it is time to cut off a friend, an article by Psychology Today touches on key elements to help you recognize the signs. But ultimately, you will know when it is time.
Accepting the end of anything is very hard and takes a lot of time. Wanting to rekindle friendships is also a huge part of the healing process. You might heavily miss your friend and want to maybe give the friendship another try. In this moment, it is important to remember why it ended in the first place and the fact that they did what they did, more than likely, feeling no remorse.
