In Hollywood, brotherhood is portrayed with confrontations, fights, and distrust. Imagine Diary of the Wimpy Kid, where Rodrick and Greg distrust each other, that’s exactly where I was with my brother.
I wasn’t giving my little brother Julian any attention or energy. I was focusing too much on my business. In my opinion, I was being a bad big brother.
However, a trip with my Uncle John to Nebraska changed my outlook on my family life. I finally understood what it meant to truly be an outsider, where nobody cares about you.
The trip made me appreciate family more, especially those I influence, like my little brother. I want my brother to be mentally resilient and perseverant. Therefore, I decided to give my brother more energy, attention and time.
I love being a positive male influence on my little brother. Several ways I give my love to him are through teaching him boundaries, eating balanced, and exercising.
Let’s start with teaching my brother boundaries. I noticed Julian would come home drained from school. I was weirded out about it because I wanted to talk to my brother. He wasn’t talking because he wasn’t eating all his lunch since he was letting people take it from him. I reflected on my elementary days and remembered when I used to give people my food being “nice.” There is a time and place to be generous, but too much is exploitation.
I started thinking, how I could teach my brother to say no to the people at school? I realized he’d have to say “No” to me first. I annoyed him by singing “I’m still standing” really loud while he was doing his homework. I got a reaction, then I told him the only way I would stop berating him was if he told me, “No.” He then told me “No.” Ever since, I respect his boundaries and he no longer gives out food to strangers.
I also taught my brother boundaries by respecting his boundaries. We made a deal where he would use the desk in the room, and I would use the desk in the living room. At the beginning of our pact, I would barge in the room, and he’d look at me and remind me of the deal. I’d back off and reinforce him by telling him good job. Now, when I ask him if I could use the desk, he tells me to wait until he’s done with his homework, and then I respect his boundaries by waiting. .
As a byproduct of establishing boundaries, I know he’s more comfortable with talking, taking advice, and letting me help him. I’ve told my mom to let him go to his friend’s house, defended him when I knew he was wrong, even taken the blame for some of his shenanigans. But he’s my brother and I want the best for him.
I also want to show my brother the power of balance because balance creates sustainable success. Which is why I taught my brother that eating healthy can still involve eating something you want, like sweets.
Of course, I taught him that eating vegetables, protein and carbohydrates such as wheat bread, beans, and fruit is what fortifies your body first. But I wanted to show him balance, whether it’s popcorn, pastries, or ice cream because it isn’t going to hurt you as long as you’ve eaten healthy food the whole day, and you don’t go overboard.
So I ate healthy the whole day, and at the end of the day I baked and ate cookies with him. I showed him the obscene amount of butter and sugar one must put in the batter to make it taste like cookies, and then I ate some with him.
As a by-product of writing this piece, I’ve self-reflected and realized I’ve substantially changed my approach to my diet. Before I consciously decided to positively influence Julian, I was extremely regimented, eating only meat and vegetables, weighing my food, and despising any junk food. I’d even throw the junk food away. Then, I shifted to the opposite extreme where I would eat loaves of sourdough with 3 quarters of a jar of peanut butter. Ultimately, I struck a balance between substance and sweets, something my family had been telling me for the past 2 years.
Finally, exercising with my 11-year-old brother is another way I positively influence him. I noticed he’d be antsy and not complete his homework, which led me to reflect. I remembered when I wouldn’t wrestle, it’d be harder to lock-in on work. I’d spend my energy beating around the bush, which is what I saw with my brother. I realized exercise would increase my self-confidence to complete work, focus, and calm down, so I figured it would work for him too.
I could have some super strict regime that I only do with him, or I can find what he wants to do, then increase the intensity. I’ve learned that once he likes doing something, he’ll go through prolonged periods of exertion. Whether the exercise is jumping on the trampoline, pushups and burpees, sprinting, or simply walking, I find a way to exercise with my brother.
My interactions with my brother have strengthened our bond dramatically. We now talk casually, get each other’s back and help each other out. Instead of fretting when he wants ice cream, I eat with him, and he no longer avoids new foods.
I plan on continuing to build our relationship by doubling down on what I’m doing, and working out with him more, now that he’ll be in middle school where people are ruthless.
In some families, brothers might “love” their brothers because they want to give their brother something they didn’t have, which I find selfish. However, I plan on building our relationship because I simply love my brother. I know I’m on earth to spread positivity, love, and happiness. I’m here for my brother and reciprocate the love that was given to me as a son, cousin, and nephew.
