The old cliche, breaking up is hard to do, is definitely true.
We had been together for a month and a half when we broke up. From my perspective, it was going well, there were no problems, or so I thought. There were no arguments or disagreements, we just did the usual things couples did, such as kissing and holding hands.
The breakup happened in person. At first it didn’t start off as a breakup. It was after school and we decided to go to a nearby park as usual. It started as a regular conversation and turned into a whole different thing. I got the “I’m not ready for a relationship” and part of the “I need to focus on myself” talk.
I didn’t take it in well, and I was frustrated because I didn’t understand why she wasn’t ready for a relationship. She said that we could still be friends, but I didn’t want to be friends in the moment. She said she still wanted me in their life, and she didn’t want me to go. I couldn’t say no because I still loved her at this time and I couldn’t let her go. I remember telling her that I’d wait for her, until she was ready for a relationship.
Nobody knew that we took this “break.” They still thought we were together because I didn’t say anything about it.
Even though we were on this “break,” the next week we still did what couples did, but we shouldn’t have since she wasn’t ready for it. This continued for about two weeks or so. After two weeks or so, she decided to finally stop holding hands, kissing, and so on.
Although we remained as friends, I still walked her to her classes and dropped her off near her house. Even if we were only friends, I wanted to wait for her until she was ready. She told me I shouldn’t wait for her since she thinks she won’t ever be ready for a relationship with anyone, but I insisted and told her that I wanted to wait for her till she was ready for one. She still said she “loved” me, even though she wasn’t ready. She said I was only going to end up hurting myself. I asked how I would end up hurting myself, but she didn’t give me a good reason. Out of frustration, I blocked her on every social media app.
It was a Monday and there wasn’t any school. My family and I went out to an El Grito event, it to celebrate Mexican Independence Day. At the event, I saw her with a guy. They were holding hands. I couldn’t believe it, I was shocked and I felt betrayed because she said wasn’t ready for a relationship with anyone, yet there she was with someone else!
I was angered, but I didn’t know what to feel anymore. All I could think was why? I kept on wondering why she couldn’t just tell me the truth and admit that she didn’t want a relationship with me rather than lie and say she wasn’t ready for one.
On the same day, I unblocked her and confronted her about it. She didn’t deny it and openly said how she didn’t feel anything towards me and that she lost feelings for me. She apologized for it, but I was still frustrated and angry because she decided to wait until I found out rather than just admit it.
I started to be around my friends more often after this, they helped me get through it. I started to try out new things and I tried to distract myself in order to be happy and not have my mind on the whole breakup.
I slowly started to forgive her. I knew what she did wasn’t right, but you have to forgive people eventually. I learned to accept that things happen and that they all happen for a specific reason.
I am aware that I also made mistakes in the relationship. It took me some time to realize what I did wrong, I wasn’t the most considerate person nor was I aware of what my inconsiderate actions could do. We both weren’t perfect in the relationship and we had our flaws, but in all honesty, I wish she would have just told me how she really felt rather than letting me find out in a hurtful way.
This was my first relationship and it will probably be one of the hardest ones I’ve had to accept. I appreciate the moments we had and I accept that things didn’t end up how I wanted them to end and I will continue moving forward with my life.
