Relationships are nice, but watch out for red flags. Red Flag Vectors by Vecteezy

When you’re new to a relationship or don’t know anything about them there are warning signs you tend to ignore. Not knowing whether to leave or stay in a relationship is a common issue everyone has. 

As far as I know, there are two stages of a relationship. The “talking stage” comes first. It’s where you get to know each other and where you decide whether you want to take the next step, which is the relationship. 

I skipped that stage and jumped straight into a relationship. To me everything was new and I didn’t know what to expect. After spending more time in the relationship, I noticed habits that were not healthy or in other words, red flags. Now, while I’m no relationship expert, I have realized there are some things to watch out for. I’ve compiled a list of red flags that I noticed in my previous relationship that helped me and might help you know when it is time to go.

1. Lack of trust

A relationship can not work without trust. It can’t be one sided either; both parties need to trust in one another in order to thrive as partners. In my past relationship, my partner had accused me of cheating. The reason for him suspecting that was because I had a male friend at the time who would walk with us to school and who I would talk to from time to time. When he confronted me I had asked him if he had any trust in me. To which he replied with “No, I don’t trust you.” It honestly hurt me because I had given no reason as to not have trust in me. After that situation was over, I felt like I was walking on eggshells throughout the whole relationship. This was in the beginning of the relationship, so it was a rough start. So far it hasn’t been an issue in my current relationship.

2. No consent

This is just something everyone should be aware of and something to be known once starting any kind of relationship. Consent is crucial with anyone, not just a significant other. Even small things can make people uncomfortable. Touching your partner, whether it’s a hug or a simple kiss, without their consent is not okay. Of course, it’s odd to ask every time for a kiss since it comes naturally, but if your partner has stated before that they don’t want to do anything then DON’T force them to. It’s also important to set boundaries with your partner at the start of your relationship. If something makes you uncomfortable and you don’t want them doing it it’s best to tell them. If they don’t respect that and keep doing it, then they are not worth your time and energy. 

3. No privacy

Most people in relationships want to spend as much time with their partner as they can, which is understandable. However, not allowing your partner to be able to spend time with their friends can make them feel isolated. It creates an unhealthy attachment and often leads to them just depending on you. There should be a balance between spending time with your partner and your friends, more so with your partner. Your partner should be able to have their own time without you making them feel trapped. Individual freedom and privacy is essential for a person, having a partner should not change that. Another violation of privacy is checking their phones. Yes, it’s not uncommon for people in relationships to check their partner’s phone, but constantly doing it and even snatching their phone away is just showing your partner that you have no trust in them. This has been a topic discussed in my current relationship. We each have our own privacy and our own time which I feel has helped our relationship by not having everything revolving around one another.

4. Criticizing/Pointing out insecurities

Honesty is beneficial in a relationship, but not when it gets to a point where it turns to criticism. Like most teenagers, I’ve dealt with body issues. I mentioned it to my previous partner. Despite that they would point out calories or continuously ask “Are you really going to eat all that?” which would make me feel ashamed and start questioning my eating habits. Pointing out your partner’s insecurities or criticizing them will only make them feel flawed by the person they should be loved by. 

5. Aggressive Behavior 

Another thing people should be aware of in general is aggressive behavior. There are things you might not even realize is a sign of abusive behavior. Name calling, jealousy and possessiveness, constant criticizing, are all signs of potential aggression and abusive behavior. Obviously, if your partner is physically harming you, you should seek help and get out of that relationship.

6. Complaining about your relationship to others

I myself am guilty of talking to my friends about certain situations going on in my relationships. Sometimes an outside perspective is needed to know whether your relationship is healthy so asking your friends for advice is okay. However, I feel like there’s a boundary between close friends and outside people. Outside people can include: your ex, strangers, or people you just aren’t close with. If they’re not within your close circle then there’s no need to tell. Oftentimes your partner would feel betrayed that you are telling people your business. There’s no reason to complain to others. If there’s a problem within your relationship, address it instead of telling people.

I made mistakes in my first relationship, we both did not know any better due to having no experience. There are things I realized were not okay for me to do, like not expressing my feelings and how I felt or talking to others about it instead of him. It’s important to recognize the red flags when you first see them. Especially at the beginning of a relationship. Truthfully, not all relationships are meant to last. You can avoid being in a long draining and toxic relationship if you are aware of the warning signs. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to end the relationship, this list can be used to set boundaries and standards. However, if it is a continuous thing that you have to mention to your partner, then it is best to say goodbye.