Teenagers have a hard time expressing their feelings, especially when it comes to mental health. At the age of 16, I could no longer get out of bed in the mornings without feeling like I had heavy weights at my ankles. I struggled to find the motivation to start my day and felt an overwhelming sense of fatigue that lingered throughout the day. The simplest tasks such as eating, being active, and practicing self care became daunting, as if my body was constantly weighed down by an invisible force.
I first realized I was experiencing depression and anxiety last year, when I was no longer interested in the things I loved doing. I constantly missed basketball practice and games. I dreaded going every single day. I questioned my love for the sport. It started feeling like I was forced to go rather than it being something I look forward to. I stopped hanging out with friends and started isolating myself from other people. I had no idea why I was feeling this way. I felt so guilty and ashamed that I had to cancel plans because I was mentally exhausted.
It was suffocating. I wanted to do things like normal teenagers my age were doing, like make new friends, try out new sports, and clubs, but my mental illnesses were tying me down, limiting my opportunities in life. I began to notice that my motivation and energy levels were constantly low. I stopped being outgoing and just stopped having a social life. The constant battle with my mental illnesses made me feel trapped, as if I was living in a never-ending cycle of despair. I longed for the freedom to pursue my passions and dreams without the weight of my mental health weighing me down.
In school, I stopped trying in the middle of the year. I gave up and lost hope for all my future goals. It just felt impossible to overcome the strong feelings I was feeling. I started receiving bad grades which was usually something I would go crazy over but it didn’t even affect me. When it came to basketball, it was worse. I would randomly start crying in the middle of my basketball games. After a basketball game my coach pulled me aside and asked me if I was okay. The question felt so overwhelming that I just started tearing up. She eventually spoke to my mom about the situation and that’s when my mom realized that it wasn’t just at home where I was acting unlike myself.
Reaching out for help was tough. I felt like I was disappointing my mom in a way. I had the impression that I had let her down somehow. She worked so hard for me to have a better life than she did, so I felt like it was my duty to be the ideal daughter. I felt so guilty for feeling the way I was. I thought it was all in my head and I was just making stuff up. I was sort of glad when I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It was relieving in a way. It validated my feelings and helped me understand that what I was experiencing was real and not just a figment of my imagination. It also gave me hope that with the right support and treatment, I could overcome these challenges and live a fulfilling life.
At the start of summer I began going to therapy. I started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. It was strange. Having to open up to a stranger felt so wrong. I felt like a burden when expressing my feelings to others so it was hard for me to just open up to someone I didn’t know at all.
Having a therapist is like having a friend in a way. They actually listen to how you feel, and it’s a nice feeling. I soon started taking both anxiety and depression medications. It has been a difficult and time-consuming process to discover the proper medication and dosage. It feels as if I’m in a science experiment with having to navigate through the side effects and get used to the way my mental and emotional well-being has changed. Medication is very helpful but they aren’t the cure for me personally, talking and finding ways to cope is.
Despite the challenges, I have noticed gradual improvements in my overall well-being and ability to cope with daily life. I wouldn’t say I’m back to my normal self, but I am better than I was last school year. It’s reassuring to know that I have a support system in place and professionals who are dedicated to helping me navigate through this journey towards healing and self-discovery.
Everyone experiences depression differently, as it is a complex and multifaceted mental health condition. Some individuals may feel overwhelming sadness and loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed, while others may experience irritability, difficulty concentrating, or changes in appetite and sleep patterns. It is important to remember that depression manifests uniquely for each person, and seeking professional help can provide valuable support and guidance in managing symptoms. If you’re struggling, the statewide California mental health crisis hotline is 988. The Crisis Text Line for the state of California is 741741. The number for the California Peer-Run Mental Health Warmline is (855) 845-7415. You can reach the California National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline by calling 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or Monterey County Behavioral Health to get help.
Diana • Oct 20, 2023 at 11:04 am
Amazing. I teared up a bit while reading this. It is reassuring to see that someone my age is doing a lot better because they were brave enough to receive help. Many people struggle to open up, but this kind of bravery is very inspiring.